The Journey of a Million Steps
October 2023 by Nicholas A. Richards
“You’ll need to do the work. The root work, especially. Not just the stuff that looks pretty (leaf work) but getting down and dirty, nourishing the dark areas that your roots grow into; the anchors that hold you to the ground and draw nutrients from the earth and into your soul. That is where the real training happens.”
Nicholas Richards, ‘The Wayward Wizard’
Thank you for being here. This article has become a labour of love, like they all do, representative of another labour of love. The Divide 200 never really seemed so scary. I never doubted that I could do it because I know the work I put into goals I wish to achieve. It isn’t even about the goal of finishing, it’s about what I become in building up to them.
But it goes beyond running or Ultramarathons or physical accomplishments. It’s about becoming a better human, stronger father, more passionate lover, an empathic friend, and a more magical Wizard! Beyond that there are goals of becoming a published author, a run & life coach – not so much to achieve those goals, but becoming something more in the pursuit of them.
This, as with my Ultrarunning, is yet another step along that path. The Wayward Path, in which there is no well-traveled road for me to follow… only a blank canvass of wilderness for me to make my own path. The path along the journey of a million steps… and beyond.
Below you will find chapter markers so you can navigate to sections that interest you most (with links in the article to come back up here!).
Thank you for being here, for reading, and allowing me to share this experience with you.
🐉🧙♂️❤️🔥🌟🏴☠️
- An Introduction
- Training Begins (Discipline, Mind, Body, and Spirit)
- Team Wayward (Crew Chief, Coach, Pacers, Support)
- Pre-Race Preparations (Planning, Vehicles, Flight, Gear, and Strategy)
- The Adventure Begins (Nerves and Staying Present)
- PART 2: The Divide 200 Event Reflection (takes you to a different page)
An Introduction
The journey to the finish line of Sinister Sports ‘The Divide 200’ began well before I even showed up in Alberta to start the event. In only my 2nd year as a trail runner, I found myself on the racer list for 320 km through the Continental Divide, ascending 12,000m of elevation.
In my first year “on trails,” I had completed a 100-Mile event 5 minutes before cutoff. That experience had essentially revealed a part of me that was ready to emerge. My Capes 100 experience of 2022 had revealed to me a large disparity between who I was and where I wanted to be. I made it my mission to close that gap.
In order to get the most of this reflection, I would recommend first reading of my experience at NSTR’s Cape 100 by CLICKING HERE.
After delving into the darkness of persevering that event and the circumstances I found myself in, I ended up manifesting what was to be my best year of my life in 2023. With a new appreciation and willingness to not only just stand up, but to keep going – stronger than ever.
The Text from Nowhere
Originally, I was signed up to run Sinister 7 in July. It was going to be my 2nd 100-Mile event, and I was determined to use the lessons that I had learned at Capes to finish stronger in every way. The course and the cutoff were more difficult, but I was excited for the challenge.
Once Sinister Sports announced The Divide 200 I put my name into the lottery as a long shot. I had no idea how I would even run 200 miles, but I figured I wouldn’t even have to worry about it. The lottery came and went. My name wasn’t drawn so I prepared to train for Sinister and besting my 100-Mile effort from the year before.
During a particularly Wintery run with a good friend, we joked about how not getting into The Divide 200 meant we could still enjoy our year and not train so hard. It was that night that he texted me, saying the Race Director Brian Gallant had let him know that people were dropping from the original lottery and so his name came up from the waitlist!
I laughed at the irony of our earlier conversation… that is, until I got a text from Brian, too. I thought it was a prank so I asked for verification – Brian promptly emailed me, assuring that it was real and a spot was mine if I wanted it. I told him I would talk it over to my girlfriend who had agreed to crew me for Sinister 7 and get back to him the next day.
Only a few hours later, I confirmed. They allowed me to transfer over from Sinister 7 to the Divide 200 no problem, and I paid my fees to reserve my spot.
Let’s do this!
The Course
The Divide 200 course itself was a monster. Taking place in Southern Alberta and crossing into British Columbia. We would be crossing into the Continental Divide, ascending and descending some awesome and challenging alpine terrain in the process. You can view more directly on the Divide 200 website by clicking here.
The race would be broken up into 13 Checkpoints, not including the Start and Finish. Some Checkpoints would be crew accessible and considered ‘major’ transitions, with more food options and actual hot coffee or food. The minor ones were reserved for snacks, water, and smiling volunteers.
In total we were looking at 324 km and 12,000m of elevation with 100 hours to complete it. Alpine scrambles, ridge walks, river crossings, single and double track – this event offered a little bit of everything that the Canadian Rockies and the surrounding area of Castle Mountain Resort had to offer.
It was impossible to train for that kind of terrain in the Maritimes, so the experience was surely going to be unique to say the least.
Personal Philosophy Leading up to the Event
It felt easy to get overwhelmed with the enormity of this challenge. Balancing full-time work, family time, training, not to mention actually sleeping and eating – time became a precious commodity. Not only time though, but my attention.
Working as a Construction Estimator I couldn’t exactly zone out at work, and planning the weekly runs and meeting the goals of my training plan became an enormous task in itself.
With the help of my very supportive girlfriend, we were both committed to seeing this one through. She was with me every step of the way and I’m grateful for her perspective that allowed me to keep my head on straight when I started to get a little sideways.
My philosophy was simply to believe. The same as I did for Capes 100 when 100 Miles seemed insurmountable… Hell, a few years ago, 10km seemed impossible! But here I was, taking one step at a time in preparation and in training, knowing that my greatest asset was to have faith in my ability and potential. Knowing I would do my best regardless of the situation and making the right choices in the moment is what was required to achieve this lofty goal, also.
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Training Begins
My training plan had 23 weeks of continuous training. The goal was to apply the lessons of the past 5 months, indeed of this whole year up to now, to my life and to live more fully and deeply – more lovingly and with grace. It became a journey of becoming more rather than a goal of crossing a finish line.
I had pushed myself to my limit, and rested as required. Though my ego would convince me I wasn’t doing enough during those down moments, I persevered and kept the faith.
My total distance after 21 weeks amounts to 1,960.6km, with a total elevation of 59,939m. This was all completed over 278 hours of moving time.
Weekly average: 93.4km, 2,854m of elevation over 13.25 hours. This would account for half of my all-time totals for distance and elevation!
There were many ups and downs. As in life, so too must you endure and persevere through the trials and tribulations of day to day events. The emotional investment was heavy. Day after day, combining the mental fatigue and the physical toll that you must be willing to pay, it all culminates beautifully into a life experience that unfolds into the most beautifully human and mortal rewards one could hope for.
Perseverance. Resilience. Keep the faith. Keep going.
Discipline
Knowing when to push forward into the upper limits of your abilities is as important as knowing when to pull back and measure your effort. My ultimate goal was to not over-train. I wanted to maintain balance as much as possible and not cross into mental illness territory where I was obsessed or even addicted to the pursuit of my goal. I aimed to remain humble and respectful of the task at hand. Remember where I came from and where I’m going.
I was playing the long game. Enjoying the process – aiming beyond the finish line.
Mind
Day 1 of training I had a new apartment, new job, fresh into sobriety, and anxiously scanning my training plan for the next 5 months. The peak week… 160 km and 6,800m of elevation. How does one even fit that all in while working, eating, sleeping, making time for family, and loved ones? The answer, I knew, was to take it one step, one minute, one day at a time, but it felt like I was taking on a lot.
Earlier in 2023, I had begun to dive into acknowledging and healing my nervous system and inner-child. I made the decision to be sober from psycho-altering substances and do the deep shadow work that had me hiding for so long. I suppressed and hid from unpleasant emotions or feelings, and knew that if I were to become that vision I had of “me” in the darkness at Capes, I had to ‘feel it to heal it.’
My mind has always been strong, but I began to channel this strength into healthy choices and introspection. Employing different methods and strategies I analysed where my emotions came from, why I reacted the way I did, and just how far back my ego had deployed these coping mechanisms to deal with the emotional trauma of my childhood.
In essence, I went into my subconscious to shine the light on the dark areas that made me want to hide in the first place. This work would turn out to be invaluable and self-affirming. Though I’m nowhere near done, I feel as though I have gotten to the root of most of my mental illness and bravely face them.
Body
I had a strep infection that had been misdiagnosed since about Christmas of 2022. I had a bad rash that had plagued me for several months and symptoms of sickness arose in week 12 of training and I was barely able to move. It was dreadful. My symptoms were so severe that I was screened for Lyme disease because I had a tick bite recently at this point. It was my Dermatologist that prescribed a round of antibiotics that had my rash and my symptoms cleared rapidly. I felt great!
My worst injury came during a rather awkward and comical fall down a steep hill. My foot slipped out from under me and I ended up landing on my other foot in such a weird way that my middle 2 toes became severely bruised. I thought I’d broken my foot, and maybe I did, because that was week 15 and they’re still not exactly normal.
I feel so blessed and fortunate to say that I was able to share so many training miles and hours with my girlfriend. Having so much time with her, sometimes in the deepest reaches of my mentality, allowed us to grow together and as people. She is my best friend and I would not have it any other way. As she trained up for her first Ultramarathon, it was an absolute pleasure to be there with her.
Overall, my body held up great. I never stressed over running fast or doing any tempos, though I did end up setting some pace Personal Records during this time (hello 3:20 Full-Marathon!), but I wasn’t focused on speed training. I had to hit my elevation goals whether through running or hiking, and that strength would carry me as far as I needed.
Spirit
A big part of my sobriety journey in 2023 has been learning techniques and healthy ways to deal with stress and emotional triggers. Trips to therapists, Naturopaths, a “Shaman” of sorts, have all benefited me in many different ways… some more than others. But I was willing to do whatever it took to push through the barriers my ego has built over the years, and decades, that it kept me safe.
My spiritual wellness was tied into both my mind and body training, but in this realm I really started to get in tune with my higher self. A self that soared higher than any drug or chemical could ever take me. My ‘dragon spirit’ as I call it, burned deeply inside and the more I acknowledged it, the brighter and fiercer the flame became.
I began to practise self-love in observing my self-talk and just how negative it had become over the years. It was key to allow myself to feel all the emotions and chaos that arose from my depressive state and into my newly released authentic self. Releasing the dragon, as I called it, but at the same time honouring all of my responsibilities of life.
Actively analysing and dissecting my automatically programmed responses to certain feelings or emotions is highly uncomfortable. The ego’s job was to protect me from the emotional trauma experienced in the past, but I was in active fight or flight mode for years despite the relative safety I was in. Overcoming this will be a long-term goal of mine.
I’m in it for the long game.
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Team Wayward
Crew Chief
My girlfriend has always been so supportive. To her I owe the biggest thank you. I am blessed and eternally grateful to be able to share in so many run adventures with her, whether we’re training for Ultras together or supporting each other in our individual goals and events – she’s always there as I am for her.
Without her, I simply don’t believe half of this would even be possible. She feeds the dragon fire in ways that I never thought someone else could. She has her own dragon spirit that compliments mine – finishing 3rd female in her first trail Ultramarathon.
Through thick and thin, ups and downs, injury, sickness, mental episodes and emotional tantrums, she was my lighthouse in the storms and always made sure I got to shore safely. Her support and willingness to be there meant more than the world to me. I am so blessed to be in love and be loved by such a magnificent human.
She was going to come out with me to Sinister 7 but never hesitated when asked if she would come help me for The Divide 200. The accomplishment and adventure is shared with her.
Thank you, Amy!
Coach
When I was thinking of getting guidance or any sort of coaching at all, there was one guy that came to mind. He directed all my major races so far and someone whose character I came to admire greatly. He had proven himself in multiple Ultra efforts and remained humble, objective, and friendly.
Jodi Isenor provided me with a run plan in 2019 when I first signed up for Capes 100 (and the year I started running!), one which I modified for the years that Covid postponed the event. When I asked if he would join my support team for The Divide 200 he didn’t even hesitate!
His quick affirmative response humbled me. His sage advice, his encouragement, and radical training plan that saw me do some pretty intense elevation. Overall the plan wasn’t too scary, the peak week being 160km and 7,000m of elevation, but if you know Nova Scotia and HRM in particular, getting any sort of elevation involves doing many, many hill repeats!
A special thank you goes to Jodi, Karine (and Ella!) for their love and support through this event and for all events. When I finished Capes 100 in 2022 they cheered the loudest and shared some tears with me in many events since. Check them out at nstr.ca.
Pacers
Miles for Miles!
The first to signup was an acquaintance that was local but since moved to Edmonton. He was familiar with the local trail running group I’d been part of and was beyond excited to throw down for pacing duties. Miles was a stranger to me personally but we quickly hit it off in shared perspectives on Ultras and military experience.
Miles would end up running about 65km, mostly through the dead of night, up and around some really gnarly terrain. His energy and spirit were welcome in those cold and dreary hours as he had run in some recent Sinister Sports events and was eager to share in this adventure.
A letter he wrote really hammers home the experience, and I was going to share parts of it but feel it necessary to have it shared in its entirety.
Thomas and Matthew
My other two pacers were also strangers but turned into immediate friends. My girlfriend’s cousin had lived in B.C. for several years and is an established and decorated Ultra runner himself. Always keen for adventure in the mountains, he was familiar with the trails we would be leading me along for The Divide 200.
His good friend and adventure buddy, Thomas, was also a keen adventurer, and between the two of them, they would cover the final 3 pacer spots for me – about 45km for Thomas and about 90km for Matthew! These two added the experience and level-headedness at the perfect time for the adventure and I was happy to have their company on the trails through all the ups and downs.
Team Effort and Shared Experience
In a total ironic twist of fate, I was able to pace my good friend Luc during his Capes 100 adventure in 2023. I was able to return to Mabou, to the place where I expected my pacer to be (and ultimately got ghosted – didn’t you read my Capes 100 Reflection?!) and experience the dreadful night and hills once again.
This time with fresh legs and with a good friend – we ended up sprinting the last 20k and finished with amazing strength and attitudes! He got his buckle, and I got a new appreciation for the honour of pacing and the team aspect.
I was humbled and honoured that strangers were so willing to volunteer their time and efforts and allow me to share this with them. I felt reassured and confident that this team that we had assembled would be something special and create shared memories that would last a lifetime! It would be selfish of me to want to keep all this experience from others.
More on those shared experiences will follow during the race reflection, but needless to say, I owe these four gentlemen a huge thank you and congratulations on completing their own respectable efforts in their own right! Luc even ended up crewing me at a major Checkpoint and it was great to see him during that time in the race.
It’s no small thing to run an Ultra with a stranger that has been going for 200 or 300 km on a few hours sleep – but they absolutely rocked it. Each had their unique personalities and it was a highlight of the adventure to share it with them.
Support from Home
I’d like to acknowledge all of the love and well wishes sent from “back home” as Amy and I were out in Alberta for this adventure. Messages came in quite frequently and Amy would relay them to me as soon as she could, either through our GPS communication or when I saw her at the major checkpoints.
Thank you all for your love, prayers, and well-wishes – I felt the love all the way out there in the remote mountain ranges of Southern Alberta. You all played a role in this accomplishment, also. When I got home I loved hearing how many people were following along on the GPS tracker.
Out in the wilderness I would imagine people at home thinking of me, watching a little blip on a map as I tried to channel the energy of the trails back up through the satellites. It gave me a form of peace to know that home was watching me out there.
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Pre-Race Preparations
Planning
It was daunting. The planning, the schedule, the emotions, the ups and downs, the pure amount of physicality and mental energy required to attain this goal was going to be something I needed to want – very badly.
23 weeks of pure, focused physical training, gradually ramping up in distance and with obscene amounts of elevation while working full-time all throughout (and even changing jobs… twice) and making as much time to see my daughter as possible.
My crew chief and love of my life made sure my mind was always in the right place. Remaining humble and focused, she never let me get too low on myself even when I was sick or hurt and unable to stick to my schedule.
She encouraged me to be adaptable, grateful, and objective. Without her perspective and, sometimes, tough love – I’m not so sure I’d have been able to pull it all off. Without her this probably wouldn’t have happened.
Vehicles & Places to Stay
My crew chief was instrumental in booking a vehicle (who even knew there was an ‘AirBnB’ for cars?!), place to stay, and prompting me for scheduling, ideal timings, and making sure I basically had my head on straight (a full-time job in itself that she was able to do amazingly).
A lot of when I say, ‘I couldn’t do this without her’ stems from her personality of planning and ensuring everything is in order – including my own sanity. Her loving nudges were invaluable to the overall preparation and execution of this adventure.
We ended up staying with her best-friend Nicole in Calgary for the first couple nights before moving over closer to the event in Pincher Creek. She had made us feel so welcome as her and her boyfriend showed us around the area and introduced us to the Mountains. She became a big part of the team in keeping Amy company and helping at the last crewed Checkpoint!
Flight
Luggage borrowed from my parents played a large role in getting us out to Alberta. We could fit a lot of stuff in those big suitcases they used for 3 week trips! It just goes to show that support comes in many forms, and being able to use their high-quality luggage was definitely a bonus for us.
The flight itself was beautiful. My crew chief and I passed the 5 hour trip with ease as we enjoyed the sites, played some old school games, and generally enjoyed each other’s company as we set off into the clouds and to the mountains.
Gear
For gear I kept it relatively simple. Very few new pieces were purchased as I relied on tried and true clothing and gear that I’ve used for hundreds of Miles.
Shoes
I bought a new pair of New Balance More Trail V2s, their previous model to the current edition. These served me very well at Capes 100 and even since then, racking up over 1,000km on my old pair. I had supreme confidence in this model of shoe so I picked up a snazzy blue pair! As of writing this, I still use my original pair of V2s, though they may be relegated to hiking shoes now.
Gloves
I bought a new pair of Leki Storm gloves. These were amazing! I could hook the gloves into my poles to give extra leverage, and they came with an extra wind breaking layer that packed neatly away into the cuff. These were super comfy and well worth the price! I wore them in the heat of the day, they never got soaked and never felt too warm.
Pack
My old faithful Ultimate Direction Mountain 5.0 vest held up relatively well. The biggest downfall was that my water bladder was un-insulated against my back! Not really an issue until the darkness set in and the temperature dropped. Otherwise, I am so happy with this pack over the adventures I’ve taken it on. The main zipper is finally giving up, but it had a long life with me and served me very well over thousands of kilometres.
Jackets
My Patagonia Houdini Air is my go to. Despite ripping a hole in it during one of my Ultras (nothing a little packing tape wouldn’t fix!) I still take it everywhere – it packs so well and is super light. I also have a Patagonia Storm Chaser rain jacket that I didn’t use, but I opted for a thrift Under Armour jacket that I used to run in snow storms. It was warm, but bulky, and I was certainly glad I had it because it got cold!
Poles
Leki Ultratrail FX One. Well worth the price. I’ve leaned on these pretty hard over Capes and The Divide 200. I train with heavier Black Diamond Distance Z poles, but during these large events my Lekis feel like they’re barely even there until you lean on them. They are my best friends when the going gets tough! Even the Black Diamond ones have become a security blanket as a backup (with product support being top notch!).
Socks
Several pairs of Injinji toe socks. I will never run long-distances without these toe socks and I can swear by them. They provide the right amount of toe separation and protection that I’ve never had a problem with blisters or toenails falling off. A bit strange to get used to putting on but honestly, aside from shoes – I don’t mess around with socks. Foot care is top priority for me and these socks never fail.
Shorts
Patagonia Multi Trails shorts. I’ve used these puppies for hundreds of miles, also. I ended up changing into my second pair almost halfway through, but not a single issue with chafing throughout The Divide 200. The pockets are deep and the liner is super comfy and again, like all my gear, worth the price.
Hats & Shirts
I used normal shirts that I received from races, nothing fancy aside from them being my “power” shirts that mean a lot to me. One from my trail running group HFX Hares, Nova Scotia Memorial Run, Terry Fox, and a few other special ones. My hat was a regular ball cap from Nova Scotia Trail Running, well faded and used in the few months since I’ve owned it.
Nutrition
I leaned on Tailwind quite heavily in the past year. The liquid calories and electrolytes are just too easy to get in – I mean, you’re drinking water anyway, but if you use one “tube” of a double serving, each flask becomes a potent 200 calorie bottle with everything you need.
For solid sustenance I have my usual staples that I’ve trained with; Pop Tarts, CLIF Bars (energy and Builder), Oreos, and chips. At the Aid Stations I tended to go for gummy bears, fruit, hamburgers, and noodles. Basically anything that sounded appealing I would eat it.
I was very happy that my stomach cooperated for the whole event, I was able to eat quite well for the whole duration with only minor issues.
Whenever I saw my Crew Chief at major CPs, I’d have a bottle of Tailwind Recovery to add in some love for my muscles.
Race Strategy
My strategy was easy, and probably not at all surprising to anyone that knows me; keep it simple. Trust in my training and my mentality. I focused on not over-packing and to carry only what I needed.
Not spending any energy on worrying about having enough or extra things was key in maintaining a level head and a calm composure. Simple is easy, simple is relaxed, simple is freedom and simple is repeatable.
The only thing I really had to do was keep moving. Anything that didn’t facilitate that just didn’t matter.
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The Adventure Begins
Nerves
During the 30 minute drive into Castle Mountain Resort, there was a highly emotional and intense energy. As the mountains loomed in the distance and crept ever closer, the enormity of the undertaking was hitting home.
I knew a part of my soul would be left here before I was done. I’ve run many Ultras up to this point, so my confidence in my gear and abilities allowed me to be calm – I never was one to freak out over race vibes anyways, but managing my emotions quickly became my first goal.
The weight of this adventure made me intensely emotional. Even typing that out seems redundant. When I considered all the time and energy that went into the preparation, the visualising, the mental training, spiritual healing and how it all came down to that point in time… seeing those mountains come ever nearer I needed to intentionally stay present.
Staying Present
I remember thinking how incredible it was to be experiencing all those thoughts and emotions. I purposely ‘zoomed out’ my perspective as if I were a bird or a satellite looking down. I made myself so small so that I could see the big picture. My mission became simple – to honour the energy, sacrifice, time invested, effort, love, blood, sweat, and tears that my team and I had put into this.
One step at a time. One minute at a time. The fact that I got to share everything with my girlfriend meant the world to me. There she was, beside me as always, holding my hand as we were ready to do this together. We had a legacy to build upon. Breathe, zoom out, and take it one step at a time. Don’t think too far ahead. Just flow like water.
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