“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.” – Bernard Meltzer
I was never much of a runner. Truly.
In fact, I was more likely to quit something growing up than stick with it – with a few exceptions of course. It wasn’t that I was lazy or unmotivated but I was a victim to sometimes debilitating mental illness. I was aware of my infliction for about a decade but it wasn’t until I saw how my father’s life ended that I connected the dots on how to dissect it from inside out.
He passed away in January of 2019 from a heart attack and I started running in August of 2019.
We weren’t particularly close, but I started to understand his path. He quit drinking 3 years after I was born but I started to really identify with him and his mostly-unspoken lessons (aka mistakes?) bestowed upon me, for better or worse, as I grieved not being able to have the discussion with him. We didn’t talk much anyway.
My decision to TRY to run was really more of a mental one. After living the same nightmare over and over and over again – and seeing the fate in store for me in my father – I just wanted to try a different way. If I were to attribute this little thought spark to anything, it would have to be a motivational video on YouTube in which I heard ‘David Goggins’ speak for the first time. I searched him up and he had a book – Can’t Hurt Me. I devoured the content and it shook me.
No joke, I’d listened to that audiobook at least 10 times in a year. “Nobody is coming to save you.” A quote that struck hard. It’s like he was speaking directly to me at times. I was starting to see that I was capable of more than what I could just ‘see’ or expect and had been selling myself short for many years.
It was around that first read thru that I decided to push back and just not give up. I ran/walked my first continuous km since basic training (2007) until I could do it non-stop. I no longer felt so powerless.
Running Became my Sword for Mental Wellness
I have been training to run 100 Mile events off and on since early 2020. Due to Covid, there were some disappointments in terms of postponed events but I was still able to push some boundaries and progress up to full Marathon distances in 2021.
In 2022 it was game on again, applying all lessons learned. For approximately 18 weeks, starting in December 2020, I’d been ramping up my distance per week – blizzards and all. I gradually ramped up and my first major benchmark weekend was coming up – 10 loops of 5.8km over 10 hours. Just 3 days prior however, I’d gotten word that my friend Franco passed away from a heart attack.
Franco had become pretty engrained into my circle of friends. Which is funny/weird, seeing how we’d never met face to face. We played Xbox hockey together since probably 2008 or so and he’d be in our Fantasy Football pools and what not. He was the best friend I never met, and my heart sank. I completed that first benchmark with a heavy heart but high spirits due to the people around me. Tomorrow is no guarantee so I appreciate time and attention more than ever.
My second major benchmark in week 24 of my training plan was back-to-back events on Victoria Day Weekend – totaling ~100k in a little over 24 hours I would run 60k during a looped endurance event in Wentworth (Nova Scotia), and then travel back to Halifax (Nova Scotia) for the Bluenose Marathon 42k. I wanted to honour Franco’s family’s wishes to support the Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada and so #thisbeatgoeson was dedicated to Franco and my Dad.
My original thought was to make the fundraising goal $500, but I figured if setting goals was going to be a thing I might as well aim high. Besides, $1,000 looks better!
We broke that in the first 4 days, I believe – the support was incredible. It left absolute zero room for doubt in my mind and I knew I would accomplish this challenge. When thoughts of doubt or negativity crept in I almost literally just smiled it off. I was in total control (98% of the time!).
The total as of now is $1,250 and I am waiting for official word from the Heart and Stroke Foundation to see if our donations qualify to be doubled by Manulife! The fundraiser closes on May 30, 2022. If you wish to donate or view the page, click this link! Thank you for your support!!!
Day 1: Saturday, May 21, 2022. A Day in Wentworth
You know, truthfully, I wasn’t even nervous. I had a plan, a goal, and a day to put in work. The event itself was a bit informal – just go for as many 4km loops as possible within a 24 hour period. I’ve done this format a month ago for the Toboggan Run, with a similar distance so I knew how to prepare but I did not intend going for 24 hours – this time.
It all comes down to snacks for these things. Especially when you plan on running 42km the next day, and trust me, I did not intend on an easy effort for Sunday! So I knew I needed to eat small and frequently so I could keep my energy up while kickstarting recovery. I also knew to take care of my feet!
My goal was to chew through loops relatively quickly but not to the point of exerting too much effort. It was hot and I was sweating quite a bit, so I chugged at least 500ml per loop, alternating water and Tailwind. I also had some salty snacks, candies, and of course – donuts and pizza. My greatest success what footcare – not a single blister or hot spot all day!
The day presented unique challenges in that it was emotional due to the dedication and fundraising. Normal thoughts of “who do you think you are, trying this?” popped in and out as I battled the rollercoaster. Repetitive loops can be pretty sinister as you get familiar with certain parts and you start to forget which # loop you are on. My partner called and said the Hotel honoured my special request – they had a picture of Terry Fox waiting on the pillow.
Stoked!
My mind kept wandering to what the next day had in store, and even what I had to do after the run. I needed to get home, wash my gear quickly, pack up some things for a few nights at the Sutton Place Hotel (right on the start line!), eat, not to mention run a full Marathon the next morning… but I felt the feelings and stayed the course. I took two longer breaks where I let my head settle.
I knew a few people along the loop and we cheered each other on. The community is truly inspiring. When the sun started shining on the other shoulder and my loops came to an end, I engaged with a few friends and said my farewells. I made sure to stay and thank the organizers and wish everyone well. On the one hour drive home I planned for this, all I had to do was refer to my list, stick to my list… and toothpaste. Don’t forget toothpaste.
Day 2: Sunday, May 22, 2022. Bluenose Marathon
I ended up at the hotel around 9:30pm Saturday night. Just enough time to get my bearings, layout my gear, and laugh as I looked over what was to be the Start line in the morning. Strava said the 62k I ended up clocking was the longest run I’ve done yet! That’s cool – time to get ready to run 42 more in the morning…! Doubt the doubt; believe.
I woke up feeling decent. Hamstrings were tight so I did some dynamic movements and got blood flowing. I highly enjoyed eating a Pop Tart looking out at nervous people starting to gather. No rush to get to where I’m going. There was zero doubt I’d do this now, the biggest question for me was if I could reach my goal of beating my Personal Best Marathon time set at the previous Bluenose, November 2021 (approx. 4 hours 26 minutes).
The Marathon started after I exchanged some conversations with a co-worker on my work’s Relay team, a stranger, and someone mutually recognized from social media. I knew more than a few runners from my trail running group (HFX Hares on Strava!) were there and I was happy to see some of their faces before the start. I remember thinking ‘How far have I come that I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE that run these things now?!’ My confidence was assuring.
After the start, I settled into my usual easy pace. Efficiency was my focus – posture, cadence, consistency… water, snacks… don’t look too far ahead. Smile, smile, smile. Gratitude. Community. The spreading of light to balance the dark. I’m not even running anymore I’m just absorbing the atmosphere. Noticing. Letting be. The runners already out of breath 3 km into their 21k… the awkward foot falls and kinetic tape compensating for a very obvious functional inefficiency… the grind of people not giving a **** and doing it anyway.
I love that last part. I notice many things but what I appreciate the most is the fact that I share the same ‘arena’ as some of the warriors challenging their limits, facing down their doubts and showing up anyway. It doesn’t matter how so much as you show up and just get it done. Adapt and learn from there. I think that is a commendable trait to have and I feed off of it. Of course, preparation and training are bonuses.
My favourite part was running along and being recognized by people. It happened more than a few times and I was happy to be noticed and chatted for a few minutes. I feel happiest in connecting with people in the midst of a mental and physical battle. There’s no competition, running long distances is a team sport where we all win if we finish.
I felt really good for the first 24km as the Dartmouth course was set on the hills and streets that I learned to run on in recent years, and my pace was actually pretty impressive for my shakeout the day before. My mentality started to falter around 26km so I popped some sour candies, focused on breathing, and settled my mind back down.
The worst point was when I could look probably 1.5km down a straight road and see people still running in the distance… it was daunting. My legs felt trashed and I had a ways to go… don’t stop. Just don’t stop. At 37k I started to feel every minute, but I could find a bit of a rhythm and I was still on pace to beat my previous 42km best time.
I made it a point to look past the Finish line as I crossed… my celebration was a silent prayer to whoever listens to those things and gratitude. Pure gratitude. I was done and already looking towards the next Start line. I was passed by a friend from my trail running group at the very end and we celebrated together briefly and trudged on.
For Franco, Dad… and everyone around me… we did it. I set my personal best Marathon time to end a 105km weekend.
Recovery and What’s Next
My legs tightened up really bad once I stopped running, but they gradually eased up throughout the day. I’ve learned that even moving them gently is enough to be a big help, so I didn’t stay still for long. I ate what I felt like eating, gorged myself on nachos and onion rings later in the night and slept like a baby.
My quadricep muscles were the sorest, so I’ve noted to incorporate a bit more squat movements for the next training phase. I am super pleased that my feet are essentially 100%. The usual heel pain I get after these efforts has been taken care of by incorporating toe spacers into my recovery plan. Overall I am very pleased with my training thus far and I think it validates the work I’ve put in over 5 months.
When we got home from the hotel I mowed the lawn and did all of our laundry. I was so wired, but then I crashed pretty good as my body needed time to adapt and unwind from what the hell just happened. I’ll be back on the trail 3 days after the Bluenose… so… nice and easy. Just don’t stop. We’re not done yet.
I literally referred to my notes from my 58km event 4 weeks ago so I can continue to improve my strategy. I’ll need to expand my “menu” for my next challenge as it will be a singular sustained effort – 120km in a 4.5km-looped Backyard Ultra (Keji Backyard) with 1 loop every hour. Winner will be the last runner standing – for how ever many loops/hours it takes.
For me, it’ll just be another training run…
Closing Thoughts
Training for 100 Miles is something that has become a journey on many fronts. I expected the mental breakthroughs, obviously the physical ones… but the emotional and spiritual ones sort of came out of left field. The social connections are the most pleasant surprise, though.
I would have completed this challenge whether I fundraised or not. I could have done this and kept it to myself, but I think that’d be a selfish act. When people connect with me over something I said or did, then I feel as though I’m on the right path. I didn’t expect to have a positive impact on others at all – I just didn’t want to feel like such a victim all the time.
Fundraising and honouring loved ones for charity makes my running challenges seem easier. As crazy as it sounds, it’s as if I’m accountable to more than just me and my schedule. It’s me showing the world that I’m here after all, refusing to hide in the shadows any longer and being lifted up by all the support given to the cause in faith of me and my adventures.
How cool is that? Everyone that donated or wished me well was on my team and were with me every step of the way. I’ve been humbled by the kindest words I’ve ever heard over the past week or so and it only strengthens my resolve into challenging my limits. This has become far more than me wanting to be mentally healthy and build a legacy for my daughter – it’s about restoring faith in humanity and connecting on common ground. Whether that be on the trail or in the darkness of the mind – I got you, and you won’t be alone.
THANK YOU ALL for your support! #thisbeatgoeson was ambitious and we ALL knocked it out of the park.
Until next time, be unlimited and believe,
Nicholas Richards | Wayward Muse
