Making Friends with Pain: My Ultramarathon Journey
In my 4 years as a runner, 3 of those have been dabbling in Ultramarathons. The lessons have not been few. The one that stands out amongst them all is that you must make friends with pain.
Not in a morbid sense. It has to be pain with a destination. A purpose. A journey of the mind through the realm of the physical and emotional boundaries that are built up. Like fortresses to keep us safe, the walls never move. We only grow to the limits of these strongholds… unless we are willing to push them.
Keji Backyard Ultra 2024: Pushing Physical and Mental Limits
At Keji Backyard Ultra 2024, I pushed these mental limitations to the max. I’ve become a strong runner, no stranger to long distances (200 & 100 Miles), but this format offered something unique. A time limit to the rest periods and a relentless clock that required me to line up every hour, on the hour.
It was around loop 24, the 24th hour and 100 Miles in, that I noticed my body at its perceptive limit. So my mind took over. My body was telling me it was done. The night was over, and I had tripped numerous times and fallen at least twice. I usually never fall, but my frustration and discipline were being tested as I baseball slid across gravel head-first. My knee took the brunt of the other, and I prayed that my toes were OK.
“The next benchmark is 200km,” someone said as we ticked over 160 km/100 Miles. I thought to myself how impossible that sounded. My body felt like I was on borrowed time but I wanted to see if I could do it in this state. The thought and sound of 6 more hours of doing the same out-and-back trail was daunting.
Pain as a Teacher: The Lessons Learned from Running
Everyone was hurting – it’s supposed to in events like this. The difference is the processing of pain and rationalizing the hurt.
That’s why during my ‘recovery’ phase, 2 days removed from the Keji course, I’ve run 10ks for 2 days in a row. My body rebels and hurts and screams its song of nerves and flesh, but onward I press into the destination of pain. I want to remember this feeling. The feeling that brought me to my limit of mental and emotional endurance.
Even my shoulders hurt from running. My legs feel as though they’ll stop working at any point. I keep thinking that I earned these feelings. Every sensation is a direct connection to a lesson. If you’re not learning anything from what you’re doing, then what is the point?
Gratitude for My Support System and the Pain Journey
I ended up finishing 5th overall with 31 loops, totaling about 208km.
Finishing in the top 3% of a field of some of the strongest runners around is an absolute honor. I am humbled by how far my feet and mind can take me but even more so by the people that I meet and know because of these events. The love of the people that support and cheer me gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.
My girlfriend, who never shies away from supporting me, was there for me all 31 hours and beyond! Friends and family that send messages and share posts… I am admittedly a bit of a private person. As I find my way through this life, I find myself wrestling with social media and the tendency of comparison or judgments.
That’s where the lessons of pain come in. The struggle within. I’ve disappeared from social media prior to this event, and I realize I’ve alienated a lot of friends in the process, but I feel it was necessary. I needed to disconnect in order to reconnect.
Reaching the Pain Destination: The Ultimate Reward
Reaching the pain destination made me realize that I am one of the fortunate ones. I get to do these crazy adventures, supported with love, and push against my own limitations to become a better human. I may not be the best or the strongest or fastest, but I do it for my people and to build a legacy for my family; to see what I’m capable of.
Each and every person out there is pushing their limits, the same walls that I am pushing, albeit on different levels. I should celebrate their willingness to show up as readily as my own. To appreciate their abilities as I hone my own.