It begins.
- Start – CP01 (15km 250m elevation)
- CP01 – CP02 (21.1km 2100m)
- CP02 – CP03 (32km 1600m)
- CP03 – CP04 (21km 350m)
- CP04 – CP05 (18km 520m)
- CP05 – CP06 (27km 1000m)
- CP06 – CP07 (27km 1000m)
- CP07 – CP08 (22km 1030m)
- CP08 – CP09 (14km 300m)
- CP09 – CP10 (39km 1400m)
- CP10 – CP11 (22km 900m)
- CP11 – CP12 (16km 200m)
- CP12 – CP13 (30km 360m)
- CP13 – Finish (18km 700m)
- The Dust Settles – Post-Race (Recovery, Takeaways, and Outlook)
Start – CP01 (15km 250m elevation)
The Calm Before the Storm
We went into the Hall where I finalised my gear in my pack and visited the washroom one last time. We made it to the start line with several minutes to spare, and I kissed Amy good-bye. Oh boy, this is it. Months of training physically, mentally, spiritually, and it all came down to this.
Amy and I had shown up over an hour early and we’d been wandering the start area and just trying to maintain a sense of calm. We hung out in the car for a while as my gear was all set and I shed a few tears as I faced the very real prospect of spending multiple days and nights running through the Canadian Rockies.
The start of the race was the most relaxed I had ever seen! A mild countdown and a few cheers, and we were off. The crowd applauded and it sounded almost muted as everyone tried to digest what was about to happen.
Grateful and Relaxed
I was so grateful for Amy at this moment, I ran back over to hug her just before the start. The time and energy she had invested into this endeavour, into me, left me feeling humble and grateful as the race started.
I’ll be honest, my focus was on her as we made our way into the wilderness, waving to her as if I were willing her to come with me on this adventure. I never really did switch to my ‘game face’ due to the relaxed start. But we started, nonetheless, and we were off for the next few days. “One step at a time…”
We had made it to CP01 relatively easily, there was a decent climb after we had high-fived the Race Director Brian Gallant along the trail. We caught glimpses of ridges and peaks in the distance and joked that we would have to go there before the day is out. The first leg was full of energy, emotion, and nervous chatter as we rationalised the enormity of this adventure.
Once we arrived at CP01 there was a large gaggle of runners fussing over their snacks. I grabbed some Tailwind, gummy bears, and jerky before I emptied my shoes of any rocks.
Beware the 2nd Leg
We were left with a rather dire warning – “take all the water you can carry, the next segment is no joke!” We all knew it was the leg with the most elevation, but what us Maritimers didn’t quite grasp is that the terrain would be unlike anything we’d ever seen.
I was super cautious about my feet and so I focused mainly on grabbing a few small snacks (I was carrying a lot of my own calories) and emptying the rocks from my shoes. I had a third flask just for this segment, with some reserve water in my bladder on my back. We didn’t stay long at this CP as there was a large gaggle of runners, so the Maritime crew set off once again…
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CP01 – CP02 (21.1km 2100m elevation)
Now That’s a Climb!
It didn’t take very long for us to come up on the longest sustained climb I had ever seen. We were climbing a steep grade and, for about a whole kilometre in front of us, we could see people up ahead… still climbing.
Peaks and ridges surrounded us and we looked straight and to the left, knowing we would be up there before the day was done. It was an interesting sensation. Even when we levelled out we were still looking up at the peaks that we were headed to.
… Still Climbing
It was surreal. To stop and look around was to gape in awe at our surroundings… mountains and valleys as far as we could see. The sun touched rocky peaks making them look like snow. Are we dreaming? The views made me giddy as I snapped picture after picture, and the thinning oxygen had its effect on my sea level body.
My heart raced and my lungs couldn’t get a full breath… and still we climbed. The terrain became harsh and jagged as we hit summits along the ridge. We would descend a scree covered mountainside only to scale up the other side… up, up, up! The sun was beaming down on us but the wind masked the heat from it as we stood on top of peaks.
Descending and a Long Way to Go
When we ended up descending, the trail became a technical single track. My patience was already tested with the wooded initial descent – I found the pink flags to be hard to find in the daylight, and trees were dotted throughout the rocky slopes down. Luc brought me back to earth – we’ve got lots of time.
‘Just enjoy the time in the mountains, we may never be here again’ popped into my head. Noted. The few kms left to CP2 felt like an eternity and we drank from a stream along a relatively flat trail. Arriving at CP02 was relatively anti-climatic, but definitely a relief! I fired off a few GPS messages to my crew chief, excited to see her for the first time of the race.
Enjoying the Time in the Mountains
When I stopped to consider the blessing it was to be here in this environment, doing what I was doing, it filled me with a great sense of humility… but also of responsibility. So long as I was able and willing, I owe it to this beautiful world to experience its harsh beauty and exert this mortal body to its limits.
I affirmed to nobody in particular that I would be grateful for the pain, in awe of the scenery, and humbled for the experience of it all. When all is said and done, I would bring this to the world through my writing and through my character. This would be a story worth reading and so I shall experience it as a sort of dance, with words swirling all around me as I bring them into being.
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CP02 – CP03 (32km 1600m)
Altitude Takes its Toll
Coming out of CP02, we were all well stocked with snacks and water. Our heads were foggy and achy, presumably due to the high elevations we just descended from, and the going was slow as we ate and got our wits about us. The promise of seeing my lovely crew chief for the first time since the start spurred me on steadily.
There was a fairly mercifully long stretch of gravel road, so we took advantage and just went easily, measuring our effort as we knew that despite the distance and elevation we did already – it was just the beginning. We ate some treats, chips, and commented on how the day was going so far. The altitude was something else, but that terrain was spectacular.
We just couldn’t believe we were out there… doing that!
Whistler Mountain into Table Mountain
As we neared our next climb, the sun was getting lower in the sky. What a day! We turned up a trail and climbed steadily into the night, enjoying the views of the valleys below and mountains beyond. It was the perfect evening to be out here. I snapped some pictures to preserve the memories, and continued the long windy climb up Whistler Mountain.
In the dead of night we came upon the ridge and summit of Table Mountain. Some runners didn’t even have a headlamp and were using the light from their phones to light the way. Yikes! It was rocky, gnarly, and intensely windy.
It was so windy I remember feeling disoriented with the darkness and perpetual force of the wind, unrelenting and harsh. Particularly unnerving was when we saw what we later determined to be the Starlink satellites above us; a row of lights in the sky travelling in unison. After seeing headlamps above and below us for so long in the darkness, we couldn’t make sense of what we were seeing.
Were runners flying above us? Their souls wearing headlamps as they drifted skyward? My head swirled and my feet just kept moving.
The Cursed Descent!
This was the first descent that I verbally swore at. There was fine sand and rolling rocks for most of it and my brain and body were tired. I just wanted to get to the Checkpoint and see my girlfriend and have a rest! The footing was not solid with the dusty composition of the descent and I almost fell several times as my foot would slip.
All I kept thinking was that a fall or ankle twist at this point would be disastrous given the jagged rocks all over and steep ledges. When we came to a more tame single track I knew we were close. We were almost there! I would soon be able to take a breath and get a big hug – exactly what I needed.
The Red Vest in the Dark
Once I got to CP3 , my crew chief just said to do the next 21km stretch before I napped. It was a good idea. Although I was super sleepy, it was so good to see her! She was amped up and excited, and though I loved her energy I tried to settle her down. We soon eased into a cheerful discussion of the day and how crazy it all was.
I just wanted to enjoy her company after the 70km and epic alpine terrain I’d just traversed. I bet the feeling she had was a mixture of excitement, anxiety, and just wanting to make sure I was taken care of and happy.
She said other runners were yelling at their crews for what they needed, amped up and eager to race. I was deliberately chill and calm. Lots of time. I’m in it for the long game. I loved being there with her, in the Ultramarathon arena and essentially just getting started.
Keep it simple. Flow like water.
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CP03 – CP04 (21km 350m)
Off Again into the Night… woops! Wrong Way!
21km would normally seem pretty easy and straightforward, except we missed a turn and ended up doing an extra 3km. This, too, sounds rather easy but it was a mental punch to the gut at that time of night having to backtrack. The turn we missed was lightly marked with a flag on a rock, so as cars drove by us on the way out we must have just cruised on by it to begin with.
No choice but to keep moving on and take it all in stride. Literally.
Daydreaming at Night
I was more excited to take a good nap at CP04 when I saw Amy again. It was shortly into this leg that Luc decided it was best if he turned back, he wasn’t feeling well and I admired his self-awareness. He got quite sick as soon as he got to Alberta and his body didn’t have a chance to recover at all, so to endure the day we had in his condition was admirable in itself.
This leg was a bit of a blur but I remember being aware enough to be cautious of bears and wildlife. We passed some runners in their own little world and continued on into the darkness.
‘Home’ to my Crew Chief and a Decent Nap!
Arriving at CP04, my crew chief greeted me happily with a smile and a hug. She made sure I was fed and comfortable as I finally settled in for a nap. I remember not sleeping very well, and my running buddy I was with decided to keep pushing on as I slept. The soft touch and soothing voice of my girlfriend said I should sleep a bit longer since I finally ended up dozing off and waiting until sunrise to get going again.
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CP04 – CP05 (18km 520m)
A New Day
Waking up at sunrise, I felt a lot better. That was a decision made by my crew chief to set out at the break of day rather than darkness, and it was a prudent move. I had some coffee and oranges as I suited back up and set out on my own.
I never run with music so having an MP3 player felt like a special treat! To be able to listen to some of my special interviews and songs, I found it easy to escape for a while and let my mind drift away with the music.
We started down a road section until the next trailhead and Amy drove by and gave me more encouragement and love. It was great to see her again, but once she drove off into the distance I teared up – knowing the hours and miles that lay ahead before I’d see her again.
‘Look for the glimmers, take it one step at a time,’ I told myself.
Running Solo
Onward I went. I quickly left the person I was travelling with and became solitary as I winded my way through dirt paths and up forested climbs. I passed several people and stopped for some pictures.
My music lulled me into a zone of flow and I took the scenery in with gratitude. As I was approaching CP05 there were nice and easy gravel roads with spectacular views to enjoy. It was nice to just zone out at the scenery and not worry too much about footing, enjoy the sunshine and the mountains that surrounded me.
Looking for the Glimmers
Along the way, and all throughout training, my love and crew chief would remind me to stay positive. ‘Look for the glimmers,’ as in, find the little blessings and invest attention into the positives as a way of feeling and expressing gratitude.
If you feel grateful and loving of your surroundings, your mind has no time to go to the darkness and bring negativity into your thoughts. Glimmers were everywhere and I took many pictures, breathing in the positive and exhaling the negative thoughts.
I came into CP05 driven and determined. I had one more solo leg before I met up with my crew and picked up my first pacer.
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CP05 – CP06 (27km 1000m)
Keep Eating, Keep Drinking, Keep Moving. Simple.
I didn’t stay long at CP05. I took a quick drink of Ginger Ale, filled my water, and exchanged some laughs with volunteers as I put my pack on all twisted and confused myself. The ascending gravel road ended with a large sustained climb.
Coach Jodi sent a message that was relayed by my Crew Chief “You’re doing great! Just keep eating, keep drinking, keep moving.”
Roger that. Seems simple enough! I immediately put more bounce in my stride and got some swagger. I was super pumped that people at home were watching, and having Jodi cheer me on at this point meant a lot.
I strode easily along the gravel road, ready to tackle this climb up ahead. I passed about 10 runners up this long and technical 1,000m climb, “#1 is feeling it!” one exclaimed as they took a break on the side and I powered through.
Climbs were my strength and I was most certainly in my element.
Solo Ridge Walks & Dusty Descent
There was a long and beautiful ridge at the top that overlooked valleys on both sides. I decided to stop and take a proof picture for my daughter with her picture that she made me, with mountains in the background so she knew how badass her Daddy is.
The promise of seeing my crew, picking up my pacer Miles, and having a good little break spurred me on. The descent was another dusty affair and in complete exposed sunshine. It was hot and I was feeling the effects of the heat, though grateful for the beautiful weather overall.
Gravel Road Climbs
As much as climbing is my strength, descents really started to take their toll on my knees and feet. I was out of water by the time I hit the 6km gravel road section to CP06. This gravel road seemed to consistently go up, and up… and up… and just when I expected to see the CP, it took a left turn and went even more UP… and UP…!
By the time I made it to the CP I was thoroughly gassed and ready for a rest. I sat and joked with my crew, including Luc who volunteered to join Amy and Miles at the CP. Amy commented on my dirty legs and my bloodshot eyes from all the dust. I laughed and joked. This was fun!
I ate some meatballs and Tim Horton’s pizza, joked around a bit, and climbed into the SUV for a lay down.
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CP06 – CP07 (27km 1000m)
Team Wayward
After a solid rest and mental boost provided by my Crew Chief, Miles and I got set to head out. A few obligatory pictures were taken and a reluctant goodbye said to Luc and to my Crew Chief lover.
Miles and I had just met, but he had written a beautiful recollection of our time shared on the trails. I remember the energy Miles had, he was pumped! I did all I could to manage my heart rate as we had just set off and into town when we arrived at the trail and a few climbs.
The biggest climb we could see people far ahead… and far above where we stood. It looked massive! A few chuckles and comments on how awesome this was were exchanged and then we set off up this climb. At the very top was a weird feeling of soft sand and near vertical climbs. I was worried I’d fall backwards all the way back down.
We saw the sun set over Crowsnest Mountain and Seven Sisters. It was spectacular to see the black silhouette slowly fade into the darkening deep blue sky. Beautiful. I couldn’t help but wonder where we would be when the sun rose again, or what scenery we would pass in the dark night.
Unspoken Agreements
In the darkness we trudged on. Seeing headlamps in the distance Miles checked in with me a few times by giving a glance over his shoulder. I had followed him at a distance for the more technical areas, but as the trail flattened I nonverbally stuck to his heels and kept his pace.
We laughed at each other’s competitive spirit as we increased our stride and ended up passing a few half-dead zombies along the way. I wasn’t really racing anyone but it felt good to give a good effort in the state I was in.
It was this leg that I passed 160km and entered into personal best distance territory. 100 Miles… halfway there!
Zombie Runners
By the time we hit CP07 it was getting late and cold! Several runners were in Mylar blankets, or comforters, and huddling around a propane fire. I sat in a chair for several moments and took stock of my gear, put on a warmer shirt, toque, sent off a few texts to my Crew Chief, ate a handful of gummy bears, and was ready to roll.
I remember the vibe of this CP being thoroughly depressing and I wanted to be up and out… back into the frigid mountain air. I am generally a sensitive and empathic person, so sitting in the negative air was doing nothing good for me. I much rather be out and in the wilderness by myself and suffer in silence.
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CP07 – CP08 (22km 1030m)
Damn Water Bladder – Give me Back my Heat!
As we set off, I remember being slightly worried that I didn’t have enough clothing. I was in shorts, a long-sleeve technical shirt, and my windbreaker. I had toque and gloves, but what I didn’t account for was the thermal thief that my water bladder became on my back. It was robbing me of heat and chilling me to the bone, so I drank what I could manage and drained the rest of it on the trail to keep warm.
I took a caffeine pill after a 5 minute seated snooze on the side of the trail and that both perked and warmed me up. I remember my vision getting choppy as rocks in my field of view were moving with each blink, as if being shuffled every time I closed my eyes. That’s how I knew it was time to close my eyes for a few moments, and I was out in a flash.
With a snore and a twitch, I startle myself awake. Miles expressed amazement at how fast I fell asleep. I blink my eyes to remember where I am… and on we went. Caffeine pills became a handy little tool to use when required. They would warm me up and provide a bit of a kick when needed, but I noticed my stomach would be unsettled ever so slightly for a bit, also.
So… Cold… Relentless Trails
We came to a windy crest and veered into the woods onto a very technical and treacherous climb. Miles asked if I wanted to rest a bit but I figured we would just as soon get this over with as I was feeling slightly less sleepy and warm now. This climb was intense, with large angular boulders and weird footing all the way up.
On the other side and going down, we sat for a few moments and I closed my eyes again. The descent was made up of switch backs from Hell, full of rolling rocks and unsure footing. My knee started to bark at me louder now with every braking step or balancing stumble. Curse words quietly escaped my mouth.
This is starting to hurt.
Getting Real
There was also a precarious mountainside path that we had to traverse. Looking left and down, no bottom or anything could be seen, but one thing was for sure, it was steep and the path was narrow!
I kicked a rock or a root at one point and instantly snapped awake. Not the time or place for a mistake, this was legitimately dangerous. I forced myself to be engaged mentally. A slip up now could be disastrous for my race and health!
As the sun rose, we found ourselves with a lovely view of the other side of Crowsnest Mountain and Seven Sisters. What a fitting end to an adventurous night! I took some spectacular photos of the moment as I enjoyed the glimmers.
We were working our way down and out to CP08, which would mean a fairly straight forward jaunt to CP09. Miles commented that my legs came back as I started jogging again once the sun was rising and life crept back into my spirit.
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CP08 – CP09 (14km 300m)
There and Back Again
This stretch was mostly on a powerline cut through pastures and rolling hills. It was a beautiful sunny day and it was hot once again. The promise of seeing my Crew Chief again and having a nap kept me moving steadily.
I had heard that my next pacer was there and eager to play a role in this adventure also, and it was crazy to think that Miles and I had done 60 km+ and that our adventure together was almost done.
200km… and Counting
My watch had ticked over 200km just before we came back out onto the same trail we started on. CP09 was within reach, and I told Miles we were going to finish strong! I could see he was tired and a bit gassed but he didn’t say anything.
After a little bit of a detour and some bonus miles, we were set back on the right track by a racer that DNF’d and was driving to the CP. We ended up jogging in for a strong finish and a fist bump to close our shared adventure. Miles wrote a beautiful recollection of our time in the mountains and rather than quote pieces of it, I decided to include the whole thing. You can read his letter HERE.
Great Spirits, Better Feet
I greeted Thomas and I recall his comments about how great my feet looked as I was sitting in my chair with no socks on. Not bad, considering there were over 200km on them! I felt great overall albeit sleepy and well into my exertion levels.
I was able to control my heartrate very well, and this had always been my benchmark for my relative effort – keep the heart low, stay in the aerobic threshold, and I can go forever. I hung out for a bit as I drank some grape juice (my cravings were bad and my crew chief was wonderful as always!) and I ate very well before settling in for a nap in our rented SUV.
Nap Time
This one may have been the best nap of the race. I slept so well with the AC on. Thomas had driven Miles back home, and Miles even wanted me to sign his pacer bib as a keepsake. I was humbled by his enthusiasm and his graciousness.
He took time out of his life and away from his family to run with a stranger in the woods and it felt like we had fought many battles together. I was grateful for him and considered him a friend and I can’t help but smile at the thought that he’ll have that bid with my messy signature on it as a token of this adventure.
That is exactly what I wanted all along, to share in this adventure with others!
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CP09 – CP10 (39km 1400m)
Off with Thomas
Thomas and I started off and chatted, a rather scenic start to the leg with a nice easy cruising single track. Local bikers were out to cheer us on as Thomas enthusiastically told them I was over 200km in! I couldn’t even believe it, it sounded like such an extraordinary number and it felt like he was talking about someone else as I jogged along.
At one point we saw my crew drive by. We had stopped to put on more layers as the sun setting brought the chill back to the air. I noticed Amy’s best friend Nicole came and Matthew, her cousin and my next pacer, was there also.
I didn’t expect to see them drive by but it was a nice surprise as we were about 1km from the trail turn in point where we wouldn’t have seen them at all until the next checkpoint. Automatically I felt my spirits lift, not that I was particularly low, but the nice surprise put a smile on my face and bounce in my step.
That’s One Angry Cow!
As we ran through an area he called the “burn,” which was an area that was on fire in one of the largest recent forest fires, we heard a loud bellowing call of an animal.
We were thoroughly convinced it must’ve been an Elk in the valley below, but as we rounded a turn we saw a group of cows with a rather large and vocal one grunting and groaning. It was impressive how loud and angry it sounded as we approached. I was slightly concerned that they were blocking the trail… but they thankfully made way for us.
The cow manure splattered along the trail we were on, and cows would be wandering freely. It made me feel safe, oddly, as I figured any bears around would be after a big, vocal cow rather than us at that point!
The 100th Resurrection of Zombie Nick
As we trekked into the night I can remember zoning out and just trudging along in another dreamy state. We met up with some random runners and exchanged encouragement and stories and a few laughs. Thomas was doing my talking for me as we trudged on.
At one point we stopped by a creek to rest and fill up our water. We laid back on the grass for a few minutes to take in the sky and it was pure magic to soak up the clear night sky so full of stars. I’m so happy to be able to say we took our time to enjoy the sights and we exchanged our appreciation for the moment.
Runners came by as we laid in darkness and we startled them mildly with a laugh. We then got up to set off once again, talking with faceless runners. People became bright lights, apparitions of the night, and voices came from seemingly nowhere…
No Time for Negativity
As the night wore on we caught up to another group on the third of 3 climbs. This is where I snapped out of zombie mode once again. One runner was complaining about the CPs and the others were stretched across the trail side by side. Thomas could sense my energy and allowed me ahead of him – I had been following him quietly and matching his pace up to that point.
Once I was ahead I excused myself through the tangle of low vibration and complaints as I powered up the hill. Once again they exclaimed something like, “#1 coming through!” and I came alive on that climb. I was surprised how long this climb went on for but I enjoyed the Hell out of the silence behind me.
Poor Thomas didn’t see it coming though! Once we crested the mountain, I told him we were going to finish strong as sweat dripped off of me in my warm layers. I took this time to shed a layer or two quickly, not wanting the group to catch up to us – though truthfully, they were far behind at this point.
The Red Light in the Distance
We were conservative yet brisk in our pace. Once he spotted a red light in the distance, one that I had thought was a tower of some kind, he said, “You see that red light? Go get it!” and we set off in pursuit.
That light ended up being my buddy Luc pacing for Nick Porter! I hadn’t seen Nick since CP4 when I decided to nap and he pushed on but I was shocked to see them at that moment. I wished them well as we zoomed past and told them I couldn’t stop as I was feeling great! We carried on briskly and passed another runner that had passed us on the start of the leg.
My proudest moments came when I felt so alive at the end of legs and I powered through the hurry and the tiredness. It seemed like every stretch had a moment of ups and downs that ultimately led to me finishing strong and with a smile on my face.
The Red Light Vest – No River Too Wide
Coming to the CP I could see my Crew Chief’s light vest and knew they’d be shocked to see us so soon. She knew it was me after I said hi to her from the darkness. I remember her voice and tone of disbelief and joy all in one – not for the first time. There’s been races in recent memory that I’d surprise her like this! I laughed at the thought of her expression – again.
Thomas and I ploughed through the river crossing that others were tip-toeing through and I ran into her arms. The temperature was very low but I was sweating from exertion and the strong finish. It didn’t take long for the chill to catch up to me and I swaddled in a sleeping bag and crawled into the back of our vehicle for a quick nap.
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CP10 – CP11 (22km 900m)
Cold Start
It was tough to get going again in the frigid darkness. Getting my gear and motivation in order was a challenge but my team was the best – I had coffee, love, support, and my Crew Chief was perfect. She ran through the list of stuff I’d need and made sure I had everything until I saw her again at the finish.
I had put a shirt to insulate my back from the thermal bridge of my water bladder on my back. I could tell Matthew, my next pacer, was eager to get going and he set off at a brisk pace. I quickly warmed up and questioned my clothing choices, I was over-dressed and ended up shedding a layer before long. I over-thought the temperature and wore way too much!
My New Balance shoes that carried me this far were wet from my river splash, so I had changed my shoes to less cushioned La Sportivas for the remainder of the race.
Catch Me if You Can
We passed a few runners that were deep in the pain cave and one that was sleep walking. I recognized one from the CP08-CP09 leg, he was the one speaking gibberish and hallucinating on the previous leg. He tried to quicken his pace to stay with us but, as if it’s become a theme up to now, we quickly found ourselves alone again.
I’m not a very competitive person but I will march to my own drum and won’t slow my pace just to accommodate other runners. I’m perfectly comfortable in my own head without saying a word. Matthew seemed to be the same way, he led from a good distance and would keep tabs on me and match his pace to mine, never getting too far ahead.
A few zombie episodes had me sit on the side of the trail for a few moments of shut-eye. It was so cold that I didn’t want to sit still for long, and ended up trudging on before the chill took hold. Sunrise promised to be spectacular, as the sky lit up behind us I could take in the surrounding peaks and distant mountains. It was absolutely surreal to be in that environment doing what I was doing.
Humbled to Be Alive
I remember an intense feeling of gratitude and humility as we crested the North Kootenay Pass and looked out over British Columbia. A videographer was there to capture my teary face and I just couldn’t help myself but be swept up in the moment.
He asked me a few questions, who I am, where I’m from and how I was feeling at that moment. I teared up again as I stated my name in view of the mountains. I was born in British Columbia but have grown up on the East Coast, so it was special to me to look out over the horizon and feel like I came home. After a few moments, I answered how I felt;
“Humbled to be alive.”
I could see him tearing up also. Before I knew it we were on our way down the other side, descending some really radical rock slides and into the trails far below. A drone followed us for the whole descent and the buzz was slightly distracting, but I figured it would look cool that my pacer and I were descending a near vertical drop covered in scree and danger.
Zombie Mode Re-Visited
As we emerged into the woods and a rough cut trail, I began to feel incredibly tired. We came out onto a gravel service road and I hit a low point, thinking how much farther we had to go. At this point it was about 50 km left or so, and I remember sitting down for another rest and just sighing.
So close… but yet so far.
My body started to feel the hours of exertion and lack of sleep. I needed a nap. And a cry. A few texts with my girlfriend reminded me of the time, and the goal. There was a lot of time before the cutoff so it was up to me to keep moving.
We made it to CP11 and it was a rather uneventful aid station. I would have loved a hot coffee or anything warm, but all they had was snacks and kind words. We refilled our water and set off, not wasting any time. I just wanted to pout at this point and keep moving despite the cries of my body to sit still.
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CP11 – CP12 (16km 200m)
F This… Let’s Roll
I distinctly remember getting fed up with my gloomy attitude and started running. Slumped over my poles and dreading the next distances and hours, I said, “fuck this” and off we went, quickly needing to shed our night layers in the chill morning air as we were sweating.
My warm running jacket wasn’t exactly “packable” due to my strategy of not spending a fortune on new gear, so I had to tie it to my pack in a clever fashion. I ended up running with it basically dangling from the back of my pack like a skirt, or kilt, and it was flying as we sprinted along.
Need for Speed
I felt alive as we basically sprinted. I felt like death just moments before, but CP12 was ahead and the promise of a sweet finish later in the day fed my fire once again. We reached paces of 5:30 mins/km as we passed several groups of runners that were in disbelief. I couldn’t believe what was happening either but I was too focused on breathing away the pain in my foot and knee.
I chuckled as my pacer commented how insane I was and the looks we were getting from bewildered runners and their pacers as we ran by. I couldn’t disagree with that assessment. To go from near death to running like that? I chuckled harder at the people keeping track on my GPS map.
I went from one group of runners the night before all the way up to another, and people observing the maps and keeping tabs on me commented that they couldn’t find me at first as I’d left the familiar names behind through the night.
Sleep Deprived Pushing On
We came into CP12 strongly, got some food, and I made one regrettable mistake of the whole race. I only laid down for 10 minutes at this aid station. In hindsight, I should have done at least 30 mins as I was thoroughly exhausted. I didn’t foresee the effects of the sun and the leg ahead. I was fixated on the finish. I could taste it.
I tried to visualise crossing the finish line but I couldn’t imagine how I’d feel, but I tried to visualise what it’d be like to run into my girlfriend’s arms after accomplishing this challenge. It was surreal to think about.
It felt exactly how I expected – no, it felt a lot better than I expected! Given my experience at Capes, to feel as good (relatively speaking) as I did so late into a 200-Mile event was a beautiful realisation.
I had come so far, figuratively and literally.
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CP12 – CP13 (30km 360m)
Perpetual Sun & Gravel Road
Leaving CP12 we came upon a Sasquatch Junction sign and a gravel road that seemed to last forever. We were fully exposed to mid-day sun which only exacerbated my mental exhaustion. It was so HOT. Struggled to maintain mental focus.
My toes that I had injured a few months ago started to send lightning bolts up through my leg. My body was feeling every step. I jogged when I could but it soon became a death march. I was most definitely sleep walking/jogging during this stretch and the mental fatigue was something far beyond I ever experienced.
I would stop in the shade to stretch out and shake my head a bit. We were passed by one runner, the only time someone passed us all day, and we still ended up passing groups of runners that were napping in the bushes. I played games in my mind to try to stay awake, pretending to be Spider-Man with my poles, shooting webs out onto the road ahead and pulling myself forward…
The Road that Never Ends
We pressed on, ran out of water, cursed the exposure of this perpetual gravel road, and wondered where the next CP was! They said 28 km but it ended up being more like 29… and that extra km felt like Hell. It seemed to go on and up perpetually. I felt like I was stuck in Groundhog Day.
My stomach started to turn on me for the first time and I made an emergency stop in the bushes. I was feeling every km up to then and the heat was getting to me. When we finally hit the aid station I was in a foul mood and ready for the day to be done. I felt dehydrated and thoroughly frustrated.
Preparing for the Last Leg
Once I had a sit down, drank some pickle juice, chugged some water, and had some snacks, I felt like myself again. Relatively speaking. My body still hurt but my mind was a bit more clear. Less doom and gloom at least, and the allure of the finish once again shone brightly in my mind.
There was “only” one more climb and descent to go. 18 km left before I was done. I was excited… and beyond pooped! I could not even imagine what it’d be like to be done, but there was still a way to go…
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CP13 – Finish (18km 700m)
“Only” 18 km and a “Small” Climb to Go
Matthew and I continued up the gravel road that continued after the CP until it became an ATV trail. Up and up and up, perpetually, until we could see the pass we were headed towards way off in the distance and, of course, above us.
The climb during this part was particularly brutal. The bushes on either side were so overgrown that we had to duck down as we climbed, and the path was rocky. Every step shot lightning bolts up my leg from my damaged toes, through my knee, up to my hip. My pack became almost too heavy to bear. We yelled to scare off any bears.
I was at another low point, trudging along, taking frequent breaks to stretch my back and legs as I bent over my poles. My girlfriend said our pace slowed significantly, and I felt it! I was so frustrated with my body only allowing such a slow and painful pace.
This 18km was going to take a long, long, long time! Every clearing we came to I had hoped to see this pass we had to cross, but we kept going up, climbing more and more. My watch passed 11,000m of elevation and 300 km of distance. Up, up, up we went, as I hobbled along into a barren landscape that reminded me of Mt. Doom in Lord of the Rings.
So Close
Once we finally reached the top, the terrain was barren and inhospitable. It was like a fine gravel beach, except we could see Miles around. The wind picked up in this pass and I slumped into the soft rocks for a while to catch my perspective and snap a few pictures.
I was tempted to rest awhile, but it was getting dark and we had put on our warm layers for the trek in the dark and falling temperatures. We pushed on.
The ****ing Descent!
We came into a wooded trail, and the descent was even more brutal than the brutal climb. I was going painfully slow, aware how badly my foot/toes hurt, my knee was in constant bark mode, and the terrain was rolling rocks and sandy foolishness.
My mood turned foul and I was annoyed at moths that were attracted to my headlamp. I punched at them angrily. I swore, cursed, complained, inching my way down this mountainside with pain palatable in my mouth. I took frequent breaks, sitting and wallowing in pity, knowing the end was near but not having the energy to feel good about it.
Round 14 – Let’s Finish This
It was then that the perfect storm hit. My girlfriend texted me, “Come to me.” My pacer, Matthew, spurred me on, matter-of-factly telling me that people were waiting at the finish. He asked where my song was, referring to “Country Roads” I had belted out only hours before. We were so close. This was nothing. Then I heard the voices.
Voices of runners behind me. I growled at my own mind and body as I rose to my feet…
The Last Resurrection
Oh, Hell no. I’ll be damned if people pass me downhill to the finish. Climbing is my strength, but so help me – if it was going to hurt then it was going to hurt while I finished strong.
I was going to run and picture my girlfriend at the end, smiling as I ran into her arms. The pride I felt snapped me out of my funk for the 100th time. I was back, baby! “I’m coming, baby,” I texted my girlfriend.
Embrace the Process… and the Pain
Every step was painful but it was manageable with a focused mind and mindful breath. We picked up the pace and embraced the pain as being the price of admission to the finish line. I caught up to Matthew and as the path flattened out. I hugged him, thanked him, and said, “fuck this, let’s finish strong.”
We took off at a healthy pace, about 6 mins/km. I felt an incredible sense of deja vu during this run along the gravel roads, 3km into the finish. It was pitch dark and the chill air encircled us. It felt like I was home in Nova Scotia, with a long-time friend on just another easy run.
It was surreal. It was coming to an end. Was I ready? Was I dreaming?
The Final Push to the Finish
As we ran at a good pace, 2km or so from the finish, my headlamp died. No time to grab my extra battery, let’s just finish this! Matthew turned his light up, I cursed as my painful foot found jagged rocks, and on we went. I focused so hard on my breath, exhaling the pain and inhaling life.
Before long I recognized the path that Amy and I had walked days before, just her and I. The bridge that we took selfies on together, sharing a moment of pre-race jitters and excitement. Every breath came as a mindful acknowledgment of the pain I was in.
Breathe in the good, out with the bad. “This is what it’s supposed to feel like.”
Country Roads, Take Me Home
It was close. I broke out into a quiet version of “Country Roads.” Around 10pm, the finish was relatively tame. We wound our way through the dark parking lot, eager to be finished and cautious to not get lost this close to the end. The flags led us to the lit up finish area and I concentrated on not taking a wrong turn.
Friends were close to the end, wishing me well and cheering. I saw the finish gate and a beaming beautiful smile waiting for me. All I saw was my crew chief and I stared at her in disbelief. She was more beautiful than I remembered.
I ran directly into her arms and felt as though I’d never let go. I almost forgot I had to receive the finisher’s buckle, the race Director presented it to me and photographers captured the moments. It all seemed like a dream. I was done?
I did it?! Holy f***… that wasn’t so bad!
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The Dust Settles (Post-Race)
Recovery
All in all I am impressed with how my body, stomach, feet, and mind held up during the whole event. Towards the end my body was deteriorating a bit with an old injury creeping in, but I think hurting at that point in such an adventure is to be expected. “It’s supposed to feel like this,” I told myself.
I am not going to force myself back into running, but my recovery plan does involve movement. My main focus is on sleep and changing gears to pursue some goals that I have set that aren’t so physically demanding. I have begun seeing a chiropractor to realign my nervous system, a few massages, lots of walking, some jogs, a lot of naps and water.
Also, allowing my toes to heal properly. That’s essentially the only ‘injury’ I have. Blisters were minimal, absolutely zero chafing, very little stomach issues, and I was able to eat and drink regularly. Mentally I had typical ups and downs, but for the most part I was able to keep a clear head (more or less) and remain objective. Each CP I focused on smiling and being grateful.
Takeaways
The experience of taking part in this adventure became a celebration of life and potential. Getting to share it with new friends and make ever-lasting memories through shared experience is like the best kind of currency. I feel like a rich man. Rich in connections and emotion, in life and love, in experience and gratitude.
The raw ability and validation of completing this event is just another benchmark in expressing myself to the world. As much of a physical accomplishment as it represents, the mental, emotional and spiritual aspects, the inner-child healing, the shadow work – that’s what really carried me through those mountains. My gratitude, the glimmers, love in my heart, with those I believe anything is possible.
My girlfriend was an absolute rockstar through training and in the event. She has shown me what it means to be loved and I am so proud to support her in her own Ultra and life journeys as she supports me. I am grateful for the time and adventures that I get to share with her and the life we get to build together.
I am so humbled by what my life has shown me but I am far from done. As I said after Capes, I feel like I am just getting started…
Outlook
For the time being, I like the idea of sitting uncomfortably in the void. It caused some anxious moments as I realised that since I quit substances, my focus has always been on a big event on the calendar.
Having nothing to keep my attention like that now, I find myself needing to adopt new strategies. These strategies include setting different goals for myself such as self-love, relaxation, de-stress, rest, and diving back into writing.
I aspire to be a published author, and with this article I’m getting very close. With my whole story to tell, I believe I can weave an epic tale worthy of a book. I have a few opportunities coming up to speak at a Night of Adventure event as well as an upcoming guest spot on a Podcast that is growing rapidly.
Hell, maybe even start a podcast of my own with my girlfriend and I as hosts?
I’m getting quite excited for what the future holds, and as I like to say – running is only a small part of it. The tip of the iceberg that is most visible, but below the surface there is enormous potential and ability.
The Journey to the Finish Line
There can be no finish line. Though my effort at The Divide 200 was amazing (and fun!?) I know that I must keep pushing forward. Not so much physically, but mentally and spiritually, I have so much to offer to the world that if I stop for any amount of time, the darkness will come for me.
I have some personal and professional goals to pursue and some more dreams to fulfil. My only concern is that I’m not dreaming big enough as I am capable of so much. I have so much support out there in the Universe that I truly feel I can do anything if I just believe.
Though the Divide 200 has ended and I’m proud of my effort and the effort of my team – I am far from satisfied. This is still just the beginning.
